Hear and back

It was raining this morning harder than it has my entire short stay here in Pau with the wind knocking my window protectors back and forth causing them to rattle through my morning time meditation. Living in Las Vegas, one does not think about the rain very often. It rains every six to thirty months depending on the moods of the rain gods. There is not a high need for anything waterproof where I live so leaving to another place (especially to one where it rains a lot) I sometime forget certain situations that are possible elsewhere. I do not think to myself, "All right, when it rains while I am riding a bike, what will I wear to keep dry?" It is more similar to, "Dude, sweet, I get ride a bike." Planning has never been a strong suit of mine. But, luckily, my host family gives me an outfit to use that makes me look like a Swiss ski ranger out looking for an unfortunate skier who needs help.


(On a side note: I have the nicest host family ever concieved. So much so that the word "host" before family seems uneccassary.)


Last night I decided to leave. There has been this lump in me. A dam that has been blocking my flow. It has been visible to me, looking myself in the mirror, I know when I am my most attractive and when I am not a center of love, emitting my light of loviness.


I think people know, if you listen and use your eyes, the truth; what is true of them and when it is something you want or something you do not; when you are just trying to convince yourself and when there is no need for convincing.


Riding my bike this morning in the rain with the wind in my face, I thought about what it meant; if the weather/universe/(place divine object here) was trying to stop me from making a horrible mistake or if I was just being told, "Doing what you want to do will be hard, but continue on." I chose the later. My plane leaves Sunday.

- anthony